It has been thirty-five years since I stepped foot on American soil as a newcomer—a stranger it is accurate to say. An immigrant. Never mind my mild manners and polite English accent, it took several, long years to sort through all the complex paperwork necessary for my Green Card, during which time there was an extended period where I did not leave the country. I was young and accompanied by my very determined and hard working husband—a double immigrant in that he is first generation British Italian. It was in his blood to be so brave as to uproot us during a tough recession in the early days of our marriage in search of overseas opportunity.
Author Frances Rivetti and First of Three Sons, Rocco in California 1991.
To be a stranger in the USA was, at first, a mixture of excitement, confusion, isolation and hope. There was a lot of tears and frustration amidst a sense of wonder in a land of supposed possibilities. Any initial thrill was quickly replaced by the reality of navigating an unfamiliar culture and systems that felt overwhelming.
Everyday interactions were initially disorienting, subtle nuances in social norms and humor. I remember wandering the aisles of a Safeway in Marin County where we house sat for a couple of weeks. "Cute suit," a woman said as she paused in pushing her cart to admire my matching shorts and top. I'd never had that happen to me in the UK. A complete stranger commenting on my outfit while grocery shopping. I blushed and thanked her, wondering what on earth made my British attire so obvious. Nowadays, I'm the one who dishes out compliments when a stranger makes me smile.
I often found myself caught between two worlds—the culture and identity of my home country and the new, American culture I was trying to adapt to. I missed my family back in the UK terribly. There was a sense of being torn as I attempted to figure out where I fit in, how to maintain my heritage while also embracing the new experiences and people around me.
Despite these challenges, there was also a sense of hope and resilience in a constant balancing act between adapting to the new world around me and holding on to the essence of who I am in my core.
Over time, my sense of being a stranger shifted as I built a new life, creating a community of wonderful friends and coworkers who helped me find ways to bridge the gap between my past and present as a British American. It wasn't easy, but the experience to dual nationality and US Citizenship transformed into something deeply personal and enriching. Three American born sons sealed the deal. I am passionate when it comes to my family, my heritage and my adopted home country.
Which brings me to the political divisions affecting daily life in the US and social interactions for expats such as myself.
"When are you coming back to Britain?" ask friends in the UK. "What about Italy?" My husband holds citizenship in Britain and Italy as well as the USA.
"It's complicated," I reply. It certainly is.
It's hard for others to understand when they haven't been through the extraordinary process I've described above. The prospect of giving it all up a second time and turning my back on the USA during these turbulent times does not appeal. At least not yet.
Social media plays a role in shaping perceptions of America and its politics. The impact of online political discourse, including the spread of misinformation, makes it appear impossible to tolerate being caught up between differing political idealogies and the challenges of navigating them. Expats are certainly being forced to question or redefine our cultural identity and ethics in response to the current political climate. The tension between retaining my own values based on my background and my having integrated into American culture is strained.
Politically charged conversations dominate our discourse. And I am mostly talking about dialog between like-minded friends and neighbors. It's as super-charged in my Northern California semi-rural community as it is in towns and cities from coast to coast. I live in a bucolic wine country region where large numbers of expats from all over the world are fully integretated into society and workforce. International visitors flock to Sonoma County for its food, wine, coastal scenery and hospitality. Or they did until recently. Tourism 2025 remains to be seen. Certainly not expected our Canadian neighbors and who can blame them?
Immigrant culture has been a major theme in my work as a writer. Threat of deportation has in the past few days been escalated to Green Card holders, correct term Lawful Permanent Residents (LPRs), foreign nationals granted the right to live in the United States permanently. And it doesn't mean that one has to break the law to be detained. Simply exercising the right to express opinions and ideas without government interference, as ratified in the First Amendment of the 1791 Bill of Rights has been elevated as a highly risky endeavor for anyone not yet naturalized. How long until a naturalized citizen is arrested? It has been threatened. This further silences the immigrant voice for fear of targeted repercussion and persecution despite the idea of equality being deeply ingrained in American society, rooted in the nation's founding principles.
Mental well being is a major concern. We remind one another to focus on the day-to-day, to think globally, act locally, to make our protests count in the most efficient of ways, to spend time in nature, eat a healthy diet, be creative and heart-based in our actions. But let's face it, waking up in the middle of the night in the grips of anxiety is seeminly now the social norm. The emotional toll of witnessing such unprecedented political unrest, protests and the destruction and cruelty that is being dished out at the hands of those whom I did not vote for is far beyond anything I have experienced in my three-and-a-half-decades of American life.
The feeling of being powerless and voiceless is the same for an immigrant as for those amongst the American born who did not sign up for this. Yet packing our bags and willfully leaving is not a passport into a perfect world. What's happening here in the States is having a ripple effect around the world. Just because a Europen country or, say, New Zealand, for instance, may have appeal, we can't expect to impose ourselves on their welcome without understanding the impact on their infrastructure. And just because we don't belong to them (or even if we do) that doesn't mean we get to ignore their politics and challenging social structures as we abandon our own.
My understanding of American politics is expanded to the point of not comprehending in the slightest how so much has been so brutally undone so fast. And without going through any of the legal channels established by the Constitution. How will it continue to unfold without safe spaces for open, respectful discussion and solidarity with the most vulnerable in our society?
The current political climate will undoubtedly influence future waves of immigrants to the US. Long term impacts of this will be profound.
Like all my expat friends, I have worked hard to establish a life, given back to my community, fallen in love with the land, built profound personal relationships and raised my children into American culture during my years in the U.S. These connections provide my strongest reasons to stay. I am a glass half full kind of girl. I believe in the American spirit, its people. There has to be a way forward that captures the energy and appetite for change, creating a future in which the best version of the USA will emerge for the betterment of our future generations. I hope that it's not impossible for all of us who have the courage and strength to be willing to play a tiny part in this. In the meantime, the comfort of my family, my home and our extraordinary natural world, my work environments and social circles currently continue to outweigh any desire to move out of the United States.
